Turkeys

I had this grand plan to make a bunch of amazing food this week and post all about it but it’s Thursday and I don’t remember if we’ve eaten or not.  Probably not.

Instead, let’s talk about turkeys.  Because I LOVE raising turkeys.  One day, I will raise all of you a turkey, but really…

I highly recommend EVERYONE raise turkeys.  Even if you live in an apartment.  They will poop everywhere and destroy everything but it will be so worth it.  New baby in the house?  It’s fine, turkeys make really soothing sounds that will lull them to sleep.  Like dinosaurs?  Turkeys are dinosaurs.  Skeptical but wouldn’t mind giving it a trial run? You’ll eat them in November and you’ll have the rest of the winter to fumigate and clean your place.

Start with little baby turkeys.  Buy them during your lunch break and let them play on your desk.

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Then, bring them home and let them live normal baby turkey lives in a brooder where they are warm and cozy and cute and fluffy.IMG_4731

Pete, DelMar, and Everett

Then, let them outside because they are growing like maniacs.

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Let them imprint on you and the dog so that the 5 of you do everything together.  Trust me, if you’ve EVER felt lonely in your life, it’s because you weren’t raising turkeys.

Give them lots of hugs.  They hate it and it’s good for them to experience SOME discomfort so they know how good they have it compared to their commercially raised brethren.

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Let them wander around all day so they can eat blackberries and play velociraptors in the tall grass.

Get so annoyed with how much they poop on the porch around September/October.

Eat them.

If I’ve convinced you to raise a turkey or 8, let me know – I’ll write a post on HOW to raise them, because there’s more to it than hugs and kisses.  Not much more, but a little bit.

Now get out there and be productive.  Yeah, it’s hot, but that’s what showers are for.